Rainbowland

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Published on: March 15, 2012
   

RAINBOWLAND

By

Henry Barnes

A short Then ago, a boy named BJ Klitton in the short Then ago state of Arkansas, Now the Hope section of the White-Trash-Rainbowland Sector, is lying on his back in his Junk Store crib. He is seventeen, naked, and trying to bend double so he can suck his own tiny tater. His Mama enters their bedroom and sees what he is doing.
“How many times do I have to tell you? You’re going to hurt self. Stop it, Now.”
“But, Mama it feels so good when you do it, and some of the time you ain’t around. I wanna be able ta do it for self.”
“You also wanna be Head Honcho, and you never’ll be.”
“’Y not, Mama?”
“You’re ah hick. An’ hicks caint bee-cum Head Honcho of tha State of Rainbowland, any more’n you kin suck your own tater.”
“I wanna, Mama.”
“Dream somepin’ a bit closter ta home, Bee Jay.”
“I duz, Mama. I hope I kin git outta Hope.”
“Join tha army. Hit’z a dream you kin have cum true.”
“I loathe the military, Mama.”
“Well, let me ah do hit for you, before you hurt self.”
She did. And while she did, BJ fiddled with an unlit illegal Cuban cigar wondering what to do with it. His mother was, as she always is when they are alone together, naked. BJ saw an opening in her southern real estate and, like he often does with his tater, shoved the illegal Cuban cigar in.

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That was a short Then ago. This is Now, and Now BJ is the Head Honcho of the State of Rainbowland. Only in Rainbowland can a hick become the Head Honcho of a whole entire nation. A hick with no experience what so ever. The youngest Head Honcho to ever hold the office. Rumors say BJ will be the first dictator of the State of Rainbowland. On that Now he will become the Headest Honcho.

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1.

Almost nearly four miles the other side of the northern border of Rainbowland, in the lower part of Canada, is a camp covering almost nearly two square miles of territory. This territory is, under Canadian law, a part of Canada without being a part of Canada. A piece of Zen koan real estate that exists while at the same time it does not exist. Canadians call it a reservation like one of the Indian reservations that once existed in a long Then ago nation Then-called America. No Canadian or almost nearly any one else is allowed to enter this appointed real estate, marked by barbed wire, guard towers, and so on.
Only diaper headed Mus(o)lim-Islamic fanatics, extremists, radicals, kiddie suicide-homicide bombers, suicide-homicide syk(hi)jackers, and so on, are ever permitted to cross into this camp without harm. Any outsiderreferred to as infidel by the these kooky radical Islamists; even other radical Islamists who do not correctly translate the teachings of the Qu’ran are also infidelswho crosses into this area, more mysterious and better guarded than Area 51, will be quickly deleted.
From a short Then ago to a more recent Now, this camp became Sector T by the Canadians. Terror Camp by the Rainbowlandians who live below the northern border of Rainbowlandin reality, a place no Leftist ever wants to go to, these terrorists are radical Islamists bent on dominating the whole entire world as they once did a long long long long long long Then ago when almost nearly everyone knew the word Islam meant “submit”; those who didn’t were deleted.
No one, except the radical Islamistswho are not sureknow what goes on in Terror Camp. Well trained Islamists come from TC, cross the northern border of Rainbowland to attack malls, movie theatres, stadiums, and so on, with their bombs, suicide-homicide bombers, and so on. They pass from TC to Rainbowland and back without so much as a check or check mark by their namea vomit of consonants no one can spell or pronounce. The Leftists in the State of Rainbowland have disallowed any sort of ethic, racial, facial, body language, and so on, profilingthe ALLA (Allaround Leftist Lawyer Association, replaced, a short Then ago, the ACLU (Alliance of Communist and Leftist Unholies) and decided against common sense, logic, intelligence, and so on, that profiling of any sort is against the Rainbowland Constitution, which does not exist and replaced the written constitution of a short Then ago Then-Called America. Under the ALLA doctrine: “It shall be unlawful and unconstitutional to stop those who have as their main intent to do harm to others. Intent cannot be arrested or brought to the attention of anyone. It shall be unlawful, unconstitutional, PI (Politically Insensitive), and so on, to stop anyone, even a radical Islamist, from carrying out his/her/IT/Maybe PC (Politically Correct) duties as he/she sees fit. Should anyone attempt to stop this action that person shall be eliminated, or worse,

   

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